I'm showing remarkable restraint today. Right now, in fact. If you've chosen to click this link and are reading this, then you are currently witnessing my restraint.
You see, I badly wanted to post that I hate urinals that flush automatically because I'm always afraid that the motion detector is covertly taking pictures of my junk.
The thought struck me at Olive Garden, and I thought it was darned funny. And the use of the word “junk” sends me into paroxysms of raucous laughter. It’s just funny.
But it’s crude. Tasteless. So I won’t write it.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “how could you know what I’m thinking? I’ve met you before, and you’re no mind reader.” Touché. Two points, however. I admit that I really don’t know what you are thinking, but rather, based upon my experience with human nature, I assume that you are thinking what I think that you are thinking. And secondly, there’s a reason that no one has ever uttered the phrase “that pedantry looks good on you.”
To which you are now probably thinking that use of the word pedantry is unnecessary, and pedantic in and of itself. I am now extending my middle finger toward you, and continuing my narrative.
I assume (satisfied?) that you are thinking “Casey, you just wrote it down. You’ve shown no restraint at all.” Ah, but I did, because I didn’t write it down. I sorely wanted to, but good taste won out. You are also thinking that “paroxysms of raucous laughter” is somewhat redundant, since no one ever is sent into paroxysms of mild chuckling. And you call ME pedantic?
So, please, admire my restraint. It’s for YOU, after all, that I’ve restrained myself and kept my filthy, filthy thoughts to myself.
So, yeah, you're welcome.
Friday, March 19, 2010
My Celebrity Playlist
iTunes has a section called “Celebrity Playlists”, where celebrities allegedly hit shuffle on their iPods, and then note which songs came up and explain why they had downloaded the song. While I’m no celebrity, I am certainly well-loved, admired, respected, envied, and despised, so I thought that I’d give it a try myself. Of course, I will try to include as little Nine Inch Nails as possible, despite the fact that they are the best band in the world, especially if you like nasally, atonal warbling. Which I do. Very much.
1. Perfect Circle: “Imagine”—a chilling remake of the John Lennon classic. It’s certainly a tour de force, an instant classic, and if you don’t like it, then you are an imbecile.
2. Nine Inch Nails: “Perfect Drug (Meat Beat Manifesto)”—When I die, I want Perfect Drug played at my funeral. It’s my favorite song. It’s got that menacing beat, repetitive lyrics (the object of the song certainly knows that she is “the perfect drug” since it’s repeated ad nauseum), and a catchy little tune that sticks in my head faster than a Wiggles song (Have you ever heard "Fruit Salad?").
3. Disturbed: “The Sickness”—Another over-the-top audio assault. It’s a fantastic song, apart from the “I hate you, mommy” aside.
4. Iggy Pop: “The Passenger”—I love this song so much that it’s actually my ringtone. Rumor has it that a movie’s being made about Iggy’s life, with Frodo Baggins playing Iggy. I certainly hope not. Iggy is a classic, named after an Iguana. Just a little musical trivia.
5. Golden Earring: “Radar Love”—Just about the perfect Man song: it’s about driving fast and radar love, a concept which I admittedly don’t understand. But radar! And driving!
6. Ministry: “Jesus Built My Hotrod”—I’m a pushover for songs about cars. This one may be about cars, but the lyrics are indecipherable except for the occasional “I wanna love you”. Still, it’s awesomeness in audio form. It’s the other song I want played at my funeral.
7. Billie Holiday: “What a Little Moonlight Can Do”—Aren’t I the eclectic one? Billie rocks.
8. Nirvana: “Lithium”—I still love Nirvana. In a way, I’m glad that Cobain took the path of least resistance, because I don’t have to keep up with Nirvana. What I have is all they are ever putting out.
9. Beethoven: “Moonlight Sonata”—Most beautiful piece of music ever.
10. Edith Piaf: “La Vie En Rose”—A close contender for most beautiful piece of music ever. Edith “The Sparrow” Piaf had an amazing voice, but according to the internet, she was not much to look at.
11. Peter Murphy: “Cuts You Up”—Just awesome. Peter has this really deep, haunting voice that I dig.
12. House of Pain: “Jump Around”—It was popular when I was college. A little silly, I know.
13. Nancy Sinatra: “Bang Bang”—I don’t remember buying this one.
14. Ratt: “Way Cool Jr.”—Hmmm. I don’t actually like this song. I think I bought a “Best of” album for one song.
15. Cyndi Lauper: “Time After Time”—Wow. Didn’t know that one was on there. A nice song, though, right?
16. Cyndi Lauper: “True Colors”—Two Lauper’s in a row, eh? Must have been feeling nostalgic when I bought that.
17. Sounds for Life: “Tibetan Singing Bowl”—What the hell? And it’s over an hour long.
18. White Lion: “When the Children Cry”—Um. . . well, I have children and sometimes they cry, so it seemed like a good idea. . .
19. PM Dawn: “Die Without You”—Well, I remember liking it when Sarah and I were dating.
20. Gino Vannelli: “Wild Horses”—Christ. Never mix booze with browsing iTunes.
21. Whitney Houston: “I Will Always Love You”—Don’t you judge me.
22. Cyndi Lauper: “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”—I give up.
1. Perfect Circle: “Imagine”—a chilling remake of the John Lennon classic. It’s certainly a tour de force, an instant classic, and if you don’t like it, then you are an imbecile.
2. Nine Inch Nails: “Perfect Drug (Meat Beat Manifesto)”—When I die, I want Perfect Drug played at my funeral. It’s my favorite song. It’s got that menacing beat, repetitive lyrics (the object of the song certainly knows that she is “the perfect drug” since it’s repeated ad nauseum), and a catchy little tune that sticks in my head faster than a Wiggles song (Have you ever heard "Fruit Salad?").
3. Disturbed: “The Sickness”—Another over-the-top audio assault. It’s a fantastic song, apart from the “I hate you, mommy” aside.
4. Iggy Pop: “The Passenger”—I love this song so much that it’s actually my ringtone. Rumor has it that a movie’s being made about Iggy’s life, with Frodo Baggins playing Iggy. I certainly hope not. Iggy is a classic, named after an Iguana. Just a little musical trivia.
5. Golden Earring: “Radar Love”—Just about the perfect Man song: it’s about driving fast and radar love, a concept which I admittedly don’t understand. But radar! And driving!
6. Ministry: “Jesus Built My Hotrod”—I’m a pushover for songs about cars. This one may be about cars, but the lyrics are indecipherable except for the occasional “I wanna love you”. Still, it’s awesomeness in audio form. It’s the other song I want played at my funeral.
7. Billie Holiday: “What a Little Moonlight Can Do”—Aren’t I the eclectic one? Billie rocks.
8. Nirvana: “Lithium”—I still love Nirvana. In a way, I’m glad that Cobain took the path of least resistance, because I don’t have to keep up with Nirvana. What I have is all they are ever putting out.
9. Beethoven: “Moonlight Sonata”—Most beautiful piece of music ever.
10. Edith Piaf: “La Vie En Rose”—A close contender for most beautiful piece of music ever. Edith “The Sparrow” Piaf had an amazing voice, but according to the internet, she was not much to look at.
11. Peter Murphy: “Cuts You Up”—Just awesome. Peter has this really deep, haunting voice that I dig.
12. House of Pain: “Jump Around”—It was popular when I was college. A little silly, I know.
13. Nancy Sinatra: “Bang Bang”—I don’t remember buying this one.
14. Ratt: “Way Cool Jr.”—Hmmm. I don’t actually like this song. I think I bought a “Best of” album for one song.
15. Cyndi Lauper: “Time After Time”—Wow. Didn’t know that one was on there. A nice song, though, right?
16. Cyndi Lauper: “True Colors”—Two Lauper’s in a row, eh? Must have been feeling nostalgic when I bought that.
17. Sounds for Life: “Tibetan Singing Bowl”—What the hell? And it’s over an hour long.
18. White Lion: “When the Children Cry”—Um. . . well, I have children and sometimes they cry, so it seemed like a good idea. . .
19. PM Dawn: “Die Without You”—Well, I remember liking it when Sarah and I were dating.
20. Gino Vannelli: “Wild Horses”—Christ. Never mix booze with browsing iTunes.
21. Whitney Houston: “I Will Always Love You”—Don’t you judge me.
22. Cyndi Lauper: “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”—I give up.
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