How does one "Hench?"

I’ve been thinking about a career change for some time, and I’ve decided to take the plunge into henching. Oh, sure, attorneying's been a lark, but I think henching would fit perfectly into my hobby of toadying and intimidating people. Apparently, from the Batman comic books I’ve been reading, I wouldn’t have to say much beyond “Oof!” or “Blag!” That’s a plus. You really only have to deal with the public when you're menacing bank clerks during an unduly elaborate heist. I’m pretty good at following orders, though my attention does wander on occasions, meaning I only understand part of the order before I start thinking of sandwiches. I don’t mind dressing up in a costume that’s identical to all of my fellow henchmen, or that I would likely receive a nickname that’s in keeping with my boss’ chosen character. If the “Killer Bee” wants to call me “Drone,”or if “Elephantiasis” wants to call me “Swelling,” or if “Barbara Bush” wants to call me “Winged Monkey #46,” then so be it, as long as I get my thin sliver of the booty.

Of course, while there’s certainly perks about henching (girls love a guy in costume), there’s also the downside. Apparently, henchmen get the shit kicked out of them by the hero or his teenage sidekick. Then you have to lay on a cold floor while your boss dukes it out with hero-boy.

But I think I could take a 90 pound teenager. And I figure after a few heists, I could probably sock away enough to be comfortable for a while, and could shop for better villains with less ludicrous costumes. If you wait until the “Big Score,” you’re just asking to be thwarted.